Can we be friends?

For the purpose of this post friends also include family members.

Dedicated to all my friends who know I am worth it. It's you I got my inspiration from in making my ‘What it means to be friends’ list at the end of the post.

Take a moment, and ask yourself what friendship means to you, and if you've ever been treated with disrespect, lack of concern and dishonesty in any relationship you've come to regard as one you could trust. Friends aren't just acquaintances--these are people who we have learned (over time) we can rely on, to have our back, as we have theirs.

I was always told from a young age that I will have many acquaintances in my life, but only a handful of friends. This is has been true to a certain extent – Now! In the past I have taken on every lost puppy that needed a nice home. I never expected anything in return until I realised I was attempting to fill an empty bucket in continuously propping some up, without doing an ounce for themselves. This is not what I would now call a friendship in the true sense of the word.

In my more mature years (!!) I absolutely realise that all my friends are kind and loving, who I love dearly but I had never really put much thought into what that ACTUALLY means. I like to think that I have it right and there is an equal balance – I chose them and they chose me – BAM! We are friends.

Psychologists talk of the hierarchy of need and part of this hierarchy is ‘social need’ - These include needs for belonging, love and affection. Relationships such as friendships, romantic attachments and families help fulfill this need for companionship and acceptance.

We all have a need to belong and for love and affection. However, what is the true foundation of any relationship/friendship? I believe it is trust. We don’t fully understand the importance of trust or understand its value. Trust gives us an inner happiness along with strength and vitality and without it a relationship/friendship cannot flourish – instead it becomes stagnant, unfulfilling, a one way street – it’s like playing tennis with only one player!

In a general sense, I believe social conditioning has beyond a doubt ruptured the very foundation of trust. We withhold, erect a wall bigger than the Great Wall of China around us for protection. Why? Self preservation…

We all have strengths and weaknesses and friends not only understand this about us but embrace them. Zebras are black & white but we are not.

What it means to be friends…

·        mutual trust

·        mutual respect and independent self respect

·        give equal time to each other and allow space to be heard

·        can identify personal boundaries and respect them

·        listen when we voice a need or to set a boundary

·        challenge our thoughts and beliefs

·        encourage us to be good people and to do better

·        ooze authenticity

·        understand our faults and embrace them

·        not attempt to control

·        listen, think and speak

·        smile when they think we need a smile

·        hug when they think we need a hug

·        always thinking of ways to strengthen the relationship

·        not expect it to be a one way street

·        words = actions

·        take the time to ask how I am doing

·        openness

·        allow every emotion to be expressed

·        respect differing opinion

·        don’t throw you under a bus

·        don't expect perfection

·        allow you to grieve and be sad

·        criticize constructively

·        not afraid to speak your mind

·        not feel like you need to walk on eggshells to please

·        not use you for their own gain

·        give a feeling of safety and security

·        talk about problems not give the silent treatment

·        don't feel the need to bitch about anything and everyone.

"I TRUST YOU" is a better compliment than "I LOVE YOU" because you may NOT always trust the person you love, but you can always love the person who you trust....

It's takes time to get to know someone. Anything less is enmeshment.